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Reasons to Hate Britney Spears: An Annotated Study Wherein www.neoplatonic.com provides rational reasons to hate Britney Spears December 29, 2003 Through several weeks we have constructed a sound and logical framework upon which to base a rational hatred of Britney Spears. Our first installment of this series highlighted Britney Spears' physical imperfections. The second installment focused on Britney's deficiencies as an artist. This last installment of the series will provide the most damning reasons of all to hate Britney Spears. After reading this, you will all surely wish for Britney to suffer Hell's fiery torments for all eternity! Reason the Third: Britney Spears Is A Bad Person Behind Britney's manicured, managed exterior beats the heart of a cold and manipulative harpy! A. Britney Spears is deceitful. Most people lie every day, but Britney has consistently prevaricated on many issues that most people would speak of frankly with no trouble. Only when presented with the futility of maintaining her false facades does Britney admit to the sordid truths! Peruse some examples of Britney's deceitfulness: |
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Smoking! |
 Having a boyfriend! |
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Engaging in carnal relations! |
The lies of omission! We can only wonder what else Britney is lying about. Drug use? Stock price manipulation? Mail fraud? Murder?! |
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B. Britney Spears is stupid. The world of pop superstardom is plagued by profoundly stupid individuals. Jessica Simpson believes that tuna fish are actually chicken who live in the sea and that buffalo actually have wings. Christina Aguilera thinks that not wearing underwear and placing people in furry outfits into her videos makes her avant-garde. Britney Spears is no exception to this rule: |
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 Britney aspires to being a lawyer. That's going to be hard to do...because she dropped out of high school! |
 The wife of the governor of Maryland expressed a desire to shoot Britney. Britney responded, in this national magazine, by implying that the women's comments were fueled by a want of sexual activity, this despite the fact that the woman is pregnant. |
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C. Britney Spears is a manipulative hypocrite. Behind Britney's deceitfulness and the stupidity there is something far more sinister. In a recent interview, she was asked what her success says about society's fantasies, and she replied, "That's just a weird question. I don't even want to think about that. That's strange, and I don't think about things like that, and I don't want to think about things like that." In other words, Britney does not think about the sexuality of her persona. The writer concluded that Britney is either far cannier than previously thought, or the least self-aware person in existence. While Britney is undoubtedly dim-witted (see Paragraph B, supra), the statement that Britney is unaware of her public image strains all bounds of credulity. Only the most morbidly handicapped individual would fail to realize that wearing revealing clothes and moving about enticingly suggests sexual activity. Britney, at least, can speak in complete sentences and sign her name to contracts, so we must conclude that she possesses the minimal intelligence necessary to equate "sexiness" with "sex." Britney Spears poses provocatively but does not provoke. Britney Spears oozes sexuality but is asexual. Britney Spears takes full advantage of her womanly wiles while declaring that this is precisely not what she is doing. This is, of course, manipulative, but also the height of intellectual disingenuousness. She wants her cake, and to eat it, too, as she wears naught but a bikini top and hot pants. If for no other reason, this hypocrisy alone should provide sufficient reason for anyone to hate Britney. |
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 Not sexy. |
 Not sexy! |
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 Not sexy! |
 Not sexy! |
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Thus concludes our study of rational and logical reasons to hate Britney Spears. She is not attractive. She is not talented. She is a bad, bad person. Her current popularity is an abomination of Biblical proportions.* Hopefully, this series will provide Britney-haters an easily accessible resource in their ceaseless battle to expose Britney for the person that she really is.** |
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| * "There I saw a
woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and
had seven heads and ten horns. The woman was dressed in purple and
scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls. She
held a golden cup in her hand, filled with abominable things and the filth
of her adulteries. This title was written on her forehead: Mystery,
Babylon the Great, the Mother of Prostitutes and of the Abominations of the
Earth" (Rev 17:1-5). ** One must not consider Britney Spears as merely a normal (and flawed) human being. Through virtue of her success, she must be judged by a different standard, one far more stringent than that applied to the average person. Jesus Christ Himself decreed thusly: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Except for Britney Spears" Mt 7:1-2.*** ***Except for that last part. I made that up. |
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© 2003 neoplatonic about neoplatonic |
