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Britney Update November 26, 2003: The real interview! That wacky Walty! Will he ever be able to interview Saddam Hussein?
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 Hello, this is Walter Cronkite. Tonight, after months of effort, we've finally managed to locate Saddam Hussein. Saddam, are you there? |
 Hi, Walty! |
No! Not you again! What happened to Saddam? |
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 Did you miss me, Walty? |
Would you please stop ruining my interviews with Saddam Hussein? |
 Walty, I'm here for a very serious reason. I have something important to say. |
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We already know that you're not a virgin. |
 Well, you see, technically that particular statement is true, and untrue. |
What?! What does that mean? |
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 Walty, I'm here because I want to address some things that people have said about my newest record. |
Can we cut to a commercial? |
 I just want people to know that all of my songs aren't about sex. |
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 For example, the song "Breathe On Me" isn't about sex. |
 And the song "Touch Of My Hand" is definitely not about masturbation. |
Wait. So when you sing "I love myself / It's not a sin / I can't control what's happening" you are not talking about masturbation? |
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 That's right. That's about something else entirely. |
And the lines "Another day without a lover / The more I come to understand / The touch of my hand" aren't about masturbation at all? |
 Well, maybe just a little bit. |
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 But that's not the point, Walty. It really hurts my feelings when people misconstrue my songs like that! |
 It makes me feel really bad about myself. I'm developing serious self-esteem issues because of all this! |
Are you okay? |
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 Can we cut to a commercial or something? I feel very vulnerable right now. |
Yes, can we? Please? |
 Never you mind! I'm okay now! |
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Why can't we go to a commercial? |
 So, how are you doing, Walty? |
Will you please stop calling me that? |
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 No! Have I shown you my sparkly power yet? |
What?! Why weren't you like this with Diana Sawyer? |
 Behold! Behold the glory of BRITNEY! |
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My eyes! I can't see! |
 Can you do that, Walty? |
No one can do that! |
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 Loser. |
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| See the last Britney update here! | |||
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© 2003 neoplatonic about neoplatonic |